Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Nursing: My Story

While I was pregnant I made the decision I was going to have no plan when it came to delivery. What ever Kelli and Heavenly Father decided I was just gonna go with it. But, I planned on nursing. That's all I had planned on.

But it didn't happen.

Some of you know I'm not nursing. Some of you just found out.

For the men, or women who aren't mothers yet: nursing is hard! I didn't even realize how hard it was till I was trying to do it. It's not simply you pop your boob in their mouth and they go to town. You have to teach them to get their tongue in the right spot and open their mouth wide enough. Then you have to get them in the right laying position that works for them. It's complicated!

My friend Tiffanie and her cutie Dax, making nursing look easy!

I tried.

It was a week of hell, (ask Troy). Kelli was so jaundice that she would fall asleep trying to eat. Which resulted in her getting little to no food. Which caused me to produce little to no milk. I tried pumping, I did it every two hours. Just as the lactation consultant told me to do. I would pump for a half hour then an hour later wake up Kelli to get her to eat. Fight her for 20 minutes then she'd go back to bed, and I'd start pumping all over again. It was a nightmare.

I was going crazy.

Luckily my dear friend Misty called me. She's has 10 children and a huge breast feeding advocate. I expected the big "you can do it!" talk. But she simply said

"Nursing doesn't work for every mom, or every baby."

We went back to the doctor the next day and I was given two choices:

1. Give her a bottle

2. Go to the hospital

Well I chose the bottle. And some mothers might have chosen the hospital. But her health and my sanity was more important to me. After I gave her the bottle I decided I would keep trying. But she would just scream when I tried to nurse, so that was the end of that.

Bottle Baby

At every doctors appointment I got defensive as to why I wasn't nursing. I even told one doctor "Does it matter? I'm not. End of story."

Then I saw one of my doctors and got asked the same question. And I was getting really hot at this point. I was about to argue my defense but he simply said

"it's over rated."

While some of you might get bent out of shape over that statement, I needed it. I needed a medical professional to not attack me, to simply let me know it's ok.

Now some people go around saying that if you don't nurse, your baby is going to have a lower IQ, attachment issues, that the baby won't bond with the mother. All I have to say is that's a load of crap.

Does this future sassy pants love her mom less because she is bottle fed?

While yes formula stains more than breast milk. I know plenty of adults who were bottle fed and are smarter than you and I put together. But I digress...

So Kelli's a bottle baby.

The next hurtle was which formula. Kelli just threw up Similac Sensitive and Enfamil. Again Misty came to my rescue. She had a can of Baby's Only Organic shipped to my door (what would we do without Amazon?) And that's what I've been using. :) And she was strictly on that for 3 months.

Best formula EVER

Then another friend introduced me to the idea of donors breast milk. It sounds weird, I know. I'm picky about who I use. I ask about diets and medicines. And most of these women I get to know on a more personal level. One we hang out time to time, going to Target or Red Robin.

Others when I pick up we just chat for a while then we go on our way.It's been a great experience and it's something I would do again.

One of my donors nursing her cutie!

So what inspired this post after 6 months? A few weeks ago was Breast feeding week. And I was hurt, hurt I wasn't one of those proud moms who was doing what God intended to take care of their child.

But then I thought about it. I live in a world where I can use a bottle, and not watch my baby get sick or even die because they won't eat.

So I've decided to celebrate to day as Bottle Day.

Love these bottles


  1. I am so proud of you! The beautiful thing is we DO have options in the world we live in. While I (as most people know) am a HUGE advocate for breastfeeding, I also used donor milk for my oldest and have been blessed this time around to be able to donate milk to moms instead. (PS LOVE getting to see photos of little Kelli! Does my heart good knowing my milk is going to help growing another child.) :-D I understand that sometimes it simply doesn't work out for every baby, and sometimes for our own sanity formula or donor milk is what is best for our babies. You are doing a fine job (though I don't know you much personally outside of FB and donating) and you just keep doing what you are doing. :-)

  2. Julia, good job with that beautiful babe! I am most definitely pro-breastfeeding, and was able to nurse the twins till they were 2 and Maeve till she was 3, but you know what? I am grateful I could do that, not smug! I HATE that it's seen as a competition, or a take-sides issue, or whatever... As moms we're all doing the best we can for our little ones, and sometimes things don't work out like we think they will. Eh. You adjust, find what works, and move on. There are many, many things that determine what a child's IQ will be, or how strong their immune system is, etc. BF-ing is not the defining factor. A happy, healthy baby with a happy, healthy, SANE (ish... what mom is really sane? ;) mom is the goal. There is no doubt that you're the best mom there is for Kelli!! Good work, kiddo... keep it up! ;)

  3. I also felt so devastated that by the end of the 3rd week since I gave birth to my baby, my milk ran dry. I also did not plan anything and left all in God's hands, but I did plan to nurse. I endured the pain and the wounds that has to come with breastfeeding but it just did not work out. It was hard for me to accept that. But I just realized that if it was not meant to be than let's leave it at that. What's more important is that my baby is healthy and well loved.

  4. You're a wonderful mom, filling your baby's every need. End of story. (A plus for bottle babies is that their daddies get to bond, too! I wonder if anyone has rated that benefit?)

  5. The same thing happened to me! I had every intention of breast feeding, but my baby was happy and easy to calm in every situation except when I brought her to my breast, then she would just lose it and the stress it caused her and me was just not worth it. And certainly not bringing us closer... I do think I'll try again with the next one, but it was so important to learn that this is a perfectly acceptable option! :D