Friday, February 1, 2013

Th End Of An Era

A few nights ago I was tossing and turning trying to get comfortable. Troy was fast asleep, which made me even more frustrated. I poked him and said "I can't sleep."
"I'm sorry... It's almost over." Was all he said, flipped on his other side and went right back to sleep. And then I was thinking "IT IS ALMOST OVER!" and I got all giddy. No more waking up in the middle of the night to pee, no more kicks, no more doctors appointments every week, etc. Some women love being pregnant; they love the feeling of their little one moving around. I'm not one of those people.
I would never sleep if I didn't have this pillow.
And then I had a hard time falling asleep last night. Again I was thinking "IT IS ALMOST OVER!"
But then it dawned on me, it's also the end of us being a trio, (yes, Thomas is in the count.) No more random date nights, no more going to bed at night and waking up in the morning, no more saving money (as easily that is), no more just us. And then I got anxious.

Can I handle this?

Can I handle being a mom, working, and going to school? I like to think I can. I really am not crazy of all this free time I've had lately. But I guess I won't know till I'm put to the challenge.

I also got anxious over the idea "she has to come out!" And people have asked me how I see this going. 


Is my response. I have no idea how things will go, although my doctor has given me hope that I'll be earlier rather than later. What I do know is I'm a baby (no pun intended) when it comes to pain. I have no intention of even trying to do this with out the help of modern medicine. After that, I really don't have any expectations. I like to hope that It will be 1,2,3 She's here! But I know that is not how my life goes. 
Some people are terrified that they might have to have a C-section. Having a mother who has had three, and keeps asking me "whats wrong with you?" when I say "I'm not going to start begging for one now." Can you tell she too has an opinion?
The idea of having a scheduled C-section has crossed my mind a time or two and does still sound nice. But I think I have to try this whole pushing thing first. 
If it has to happen, it has to happen. I won't be crushed.

So yes, I am terrified of what lies in front of me. But aren't we all?

The end of an era is coming closer and closer, but the beginning of another one is right in front of me too.

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